More of My Administration 4

Those of you who follow this ranting BLOG know that I did not write yesterday, and to you, I apologize. But yesterday was my annual "Day From Hell" here in the North Central Arkansas Ozark's. I had to get new tags for my car. But what one goes through is like no other place I have lived. First to the Assessor's Office so I can get my tax assessment for personal property for "This Year", which I do not pay until NEXT YEAR, but I have to have that piece of paper in my hand for my next stop, which is the "Tax Collector". There I pay my personal property tax from last years assessment, but I have to show this years assessment, why I have not a clue. Then to the State Revenue Office. Here I show my collected paperwork, pay my $27, and finally get the tags for my car. And, as with all government offices, at each stop, I have to pick a number and be seated until it is called. All in all, the waste of a day. I'll have to remember to have a talk with Richard Petty, my Secretary of Transportation about fixing this!

Onward and upward with the rest of my new Cabinet! So far, this has been very exciting, and I am sure that you have begun to get over your initial shock at the direction I have gone, but you are beginning to see the logic, yes? Your opinions may differ from mine, and that is really very good. Please let me know who you want, and I'll rethink my choices. Just DON'T GIVE ME ANOTHER WORN OUT CURRENT POLITICIAN! Let's go!

Environmental Protection Agency: Is there any doubt in any of your minds that the human race has done more harm to our environment in the last hundred years than in all recorded previous history? We can't continue like this much longer folks. We need change and we need it NOW! I want a strong person here, one with conviction and integrity. I want someone that the WORLD will listen to! I want someone who can lead! But, who? My choice has immense presence, will not play second fiddle to anyone, and who will get the attention of all. Queen Latifah! She can lull the opposition with a lullaby, or knock heads to get them in line. She can be charming, or intimidating. Do what ever has to be done to start putting things right. And she is tireless to a fault!

Office of Management and Budget: What is this if not a major carrot for some political supporter? This is no place for a politician! This is no place for some rich guy as a reward for his support! I don't need and I don't want some lackey here, I want an ACCOUNTANT! Someone who can look at the books and say yes or no. someone who can say you have the money to do this, or you don't have the money to do it, so GO AWAY! So I will ask Zachary Dong to fill this post for me. Who you ask? Well, Zach is my future son-in-law. But he has a degree in accounting, and to be honest he is the only accountant that I know. And if he is going to marry my daughter, I would like him to be able to support her with a good job. But, you can do it Zach! You are my man!

United States Trade Representative: Does everyone agree that this has been one of the worst managed positions in Government? Fair trade, what fair trade? We allow the Japanese to sell cars here, but they will not allow us to sell cars there! What's fair? There are hundreds of examples where the US has simply bent over and allowed other nations to take advantage of us. NO MORE! Give me someone who will level the playing field. Someone who will will send other nations packing if the game is not played fair. Someone who knows how to negotiate hard and fast. I WANT JIMMY HOFFA! But, I need your help because I can't find him. Some say he is dead, but they have never found him, so maybe, like Lord Valdamort, he is still out there somewhere. So find him for me! Have him email me as soon as possible. But, in the mean time, give me some names in the event I have to use a backup plan. Thanks.

United States Ambassador to the United Nations: To many of you, this may seem to be a position that requires more of the attributes of a parrot than a political position. But I want a real stand-up guy there, a take charge, never accept defeat guy. Someone that can be heard above the crowd. I want someone who will ALWAYS tell it like it really is, not speak all of this BS in those diplomatic terms and speak in glowing accolades in front of the world about someone who is really a jerk and a thorn in the side of the world! I mean, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, I don't want some diplomatic sleaze telling me that it is a "Fine feathered creature of God whose role in the nature of living things is both needed and noble." I want a person who will stand up and say, "Listen, you are a DUCK, and you need to get on board or plan on being the main coarse for dinner tonight." And with that thought in mind, I present to you Chris Rock! Tell it like it REALLY is Chris, and make Americans understand!

Council of Economic Advisers: I have lived a long while. I have seen Republicans and Democrats in this position. I've seen conservatives and liberals here. And no matter who has this job, the economy has always been like a yo-yo! The reason for this is simple people, it is not our economy any longer, it is a world economy! Get that understood. It makes little difference what we do when ALL major countries are linked closer that a 300 count woven sheet! Just look at the recent combination of disasters in Japan. An earthquake followed bu a tsunami that triggered a nuclear disaster. How the hell can any country see that one coming? But we, like so many others are dependant on Japanese imports for our own manufacturing and retail industries, so we were blindsided. Sure, we need people with economic leadership here, but we need more. We need to know about these things BEFOR they happen, so I am going to enlist Miss Cleo for this job. Look, nothing else has worked over the long run, so why not stretch the envelope? Miss Cleo, tell me where you see my campaign heading.

Now you know what kind of government I propose, or at least you think you do. There is more to come. There are holes in our system, and I plan on announcing further additions to my government to address them. Some of you will find them ludicrous, others will see them as bold, but you will have to make up your own minds, so stay tuned. And remember to speak out about the wrongs you see in this world. You could be very surprised how many others will recognize the problems you see, and how much support can be generated by simply speaking your mind. Also, don't forget to send your campaign contributions in as soon as possible. Have a Great Day.

The Old Hippie