I'LL RUN, JUST BECAUSE!

OK, OK, OK ~ Only because I was asked, I am announcing today that I am running for President of the United States of America. I talk with my brother in law everyday, and he told me he would rather vote for me than the same old recycled choices that are being touted about. But that was not enough to convince an Old Hippie like me, oh no. So I had a long conversation with my cat, Callie, and she agreed, but only after I told her how really, really big the White House was. We all have our priorities. America needs to change! And voting for the same old tired party liners that got this country into the mess it is today is not the way to change this country. Doing the same thing yet again will only compound the problems we have today. So I am running on a platform of real change. Monumental change! And I am here to tell you what I am going to do.

FIRST: Unlike the other politicians, I'm going to tell you up front who I want in the government.

Vice President: This is a tough one, because traditionally, this office holder doesn't do anything except show up on paydays. That has to change. I want this person to be aggressive and very active. The last time I considered running, I thought that George Carlin would be the perfect VP, but the guy died. Not that this totally excludes him, but it does become somewhat problematic. So, after intensive consideration, I have decided to ask Bill Maher, yes the Bill Maher of television fame, to be my VP. And his position as VP will be filled with new responsibilities. One that should interest you is being the overseer of Congress. He will be responsible for making SURE that your elected officials are actually present for every vote on the floor. He will make sure that every elected official in the government shows up to work everyday! Now, that will be a change! And I will also make him responsible for ridding the government of redundancy! No longer will we have a plethora of agencies responsible for intelligence gathering. We only need one that works, not all these that don't work because they keep secretes from each other. Ah, HELL NO!

Secretary of State: Tough choice is hardly the phrase I choose to use here. This person has to be a fighter, someone who can state the position of the American people without blinking an eye. Someone who exudes authority and instills an atmosphere of total control to everyone they meet. I gave this great and careful consideration, but in the end, I came to one person who is perfect for the job. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your next Secretary of State, John Travolta. I mean, did you see this guy in "Get Shorty", "Swordfish" and "Pulp Fiction"? Yes sir, this is the guy I want to stand up in the face of any world leader and tell him what is really what!

Secretary of the Treasury: What is this position anyway? Does this person hire the guards for Fort Knox? Hell no, we don't need this guy. I will replace this position immediately with the Secretary of Making Us Some Real Money! If I am president, I don't need someone to guard the vault, I need someone TO FILL THE VAULT! With that slight modification in mind, I wanted someone who could think outside of the proverbial box, create new ways to bring money into our government without collecting more taxes from you, the people. So, who to choose? Bill Gates can make money, no doubt. Maybe Mark Cuban? Now, here is a guy who can make money, but I don't think he has that outside of the box mentality I'm looking for. But there is one guy that is perfect. Donald Trump! OH YES, The Donald! His first directive will be to produce a Government Reality Show for network TV. Bureaucrat, YOU'RE FIRED! Maybe it will go like this, each week it will feature 3 or 4 top bureaucrats who will be raked over the coals like the old celebrity roasts, and the viewers will vote by phone to A.) Let Them Slide, B.) FIRE Them Now, or C.) (my favorite.) INDITE THEM NOW! I'm telling you this is a Prime Time money generating machine!

Secretary of Defense: Since we no longer use the military to defend ourselves, I will change this back to Secretary of War! Obviously this calls for a real tough guy, one who will "Kick Ass and take Initials because there is NO TIME FOR NAMES" type of guy. And only one person comes to mind that meets my definition. Clint Eastwood is the only gut for this! I want "Dirty Harry and The Man with No Name" to set things straight. This is the guy who will get it done and get out! A guy who will simply win! A guy who is American through and through!

Well, that is a start, and I am sure that by now you know how serious I am about making changes. As my campaign goes forward, I'll give you more manes that I feel will help pull this country from decline, and once again put us at the top of the food chain. But, I don't plan on doing this alone. Tell me who you want in the key positions. Give me names. Tell me why they would be good for the job. After all, is this not a government for the people, of the people and by the people? Today's government has ignored this for too long.

But like all people running for office, I need your support. I'm just a poor Old Hippie after all. So show me some love people, send in your hard earned dollars to help me lead this nation back to the pinnacle of success. Give me the green I need to change the machine. Send me cash, no checks or credit cards, only folding money. Stuff it in an envelope and send it to me, The Old Hippie for President! TODAY!

Thanks for your support,
The Old Hippie